Kiedy zostaję ze sobą sam

Kiedy zostaję ze sobą sam zamykam oczy, patrzę w siebie i próbuję odnaleźć, wśród synaps ukryty, mojego Ja pałac warowny

Człowieka los: złudzeń wartki nurt,
miłość, gniew, tworzenia czas, lęk, ból.

Kiedy zostaję ze sobą sam,
bo dobry Bóg taki prezent dał,
zasłaniam okna, rygluję drzwi,
choćby tylko na krótką chwilę,
zapominam, że tam Świata zgiełk.

Przymykam wrota przemijania:
zatrzymuję nachalny zegar.
Bez ruchu, niemy, traci swą moc
i pozwala zapomnieć, że czas,
kochanek złowróżbnej otchłani,
pędzący w rydwanie entropii,
zniewala mnie, tłamsi, pozbawia…

Zamykam oczy, patrzę w siebie
i próbuję odnaleźć, bo wiem,
że jest gdzieś, ukryty wśród synaps,
warowny pałac mojego Ja.
Tam me komnaty, biblioteki,
korytarze i kandelabry,
i świece nigdy niepalone.

Jest krzesiwo, iskra, jest światło:
w witrynach oszklonych rzędy ksiąg,
zamknięte ciężkimi kłódkami.
Czytam tytuły… i teraz wiem!
Tam tak wiele prawd zapisano.
Szukałem ich długo i wszędzie,
a one tu, w moim pałacu.

Są też komody z szufladami,
wypełnione pękami kluczy.
Który wyjąć ex librisu tom ?
Co pierwszy, co ostatni skrywa?
Które z kart prawd mam zgłębiać teraz,
by odkryć mych dróg prawdziwy cel,
rozwiać miraż pustyni myśli?

To, co wokół, po kres kosmosu,
wszystkim jest, czy lichym półcieniem,
a jego wspaniały archetyp
gdzieś tam, za horyzontem zdarzeń,
a może tuż, obok, w woalu,
który otacza, przenika wskroś,
a dla zmysłów jest niedostępny?             

 

Bez odpowiedzi wiele pytań.
Część mnie, która mi zawsze cierniem,
egoistyczna i nadęta,
teraz jak dziurawiony balon,
spazm sumienia w myśli jak szrapnel,
że minął czas i nie znajdę już
w stosach dzieł, tego co wiedzieć chcę.

Prawdy nie poznam, ale to wiem,
że jej paradygmat tkwi  we mnie.
W światłach ramp, w dźwiękach fanfar i trąb,
tłum proroków i doktorów dusz
pisze wciąż erraty ważnych ksiąg.
Czy w tym zgiełku nie zbłądzić w szlak zły
starczy karmie marzeń lepszych dni ?

Mój pałac skrywa wiele komnat,
miejsc dziwnych, tajemniczych, mrocznych.
W głębi, gdzie kandelabrów brak, drzwi,
skryte w cieniu, uchylone w pół
i dziwny tam mrok: mami ciepłem
i jakby niewidzialnym światłem.
Idę tam, chociaż świeca gaśnie.

To strzelista wieża, są w niej schody,
kręte, w niemierzalną wysokość,
ponad gwiazdy i nieskończoność,
a dziwnym spinem jakby blisko
i patrzę w tę dal, dostrzegam szczyt…
Deja vu? nie, widok we mnie był,
to tam zawsze chciałem iść, tam być.

 

Człowieka los: złudzeń wartki nurt, miłość, gniew, tworzenia czas, lęk, ból.
/pixabay.com/pl/biblioteka-425730/

Ktoś puka w drzwi, zegar ożywa,
świece gasną i pałac znika.
Odsłaniam okna bez pośpiechu,
w ciszę wdziera się gwar ulicy.
We mnie spokój i jasność myśli,
i wiem, gdzie wrócić, i gdzie szukać,
w czym życia sens, jaki życia cel.

 

 

 

Zabiorę aniołom skrzydła

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